Thread: April 1st Hat Rack joke thread. - contest ends, you guessed it, April 1st

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news."
"Tell me the bad news" says the man.
"Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off."
"Oh my God," cries the man, "what is the good news?"
"The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."

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Little Johhny finally turned 16 and could drive the car that his grandfather had left him. It had been a long 5 year wait. He picked up his girlfriend so she could have the first ride. Well, it turns out that Johnny has a heavy foot. Eventually, a patrolman spotted him and pulled him over. He walked up to the and asks, son, do you know why I pulled you over? Without hesitation Johnny say, "well if you can't remember I sure as h*** aint gonna remind ya".

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!"

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

Fo' Drizzle

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These boys will be dropped off in all ISIS controlled areas, and have been given only the following facts about ISIS:

1. The season opens today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, bacon, BBQ, pickup trucks, naked women, country music, or Jesus
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt


The Pentagon expects the problem in the Middle East to be over by Friday

For a long time it seemed like my life was one big blur.

Much better now that I got glasses.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry an extraordinarily beautiful woman, so they could produce gorgeous children beyond compare. With that in mind he set out on a mission to find the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.Well, the Redneck replied, theyre all lookin to get married, so you came to the right place. Why dont you look em over and pick the one you want?

The man was ecstatic, and decided to take each one out to dinner to size them all up. The first night he dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the mans opinion. Well, said the man, shes just a wee bit - not that you can hardly notice - pigeon-toed. The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went. Well, the man replied, shes just a wee bit - not that you can hardly tell - crosseyed. The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, Shes perfect, just perfect! Shes the one I want to marry.

The redneck gave his blessing, so the couple was wed immediately. Months later their first baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. Well, explained the Redneck, she was just a wee bit - not that you could hardly tell - pregnant when you met her.