Wake Up Everyone.....NEW

[Retired2Fish]

[SpeckledSlab]

That moment when your steak is on the grill, and you can already feel your mouth watering.....


Do vegans feel the same when mowing the lawn?

[SpeckledSlab]

My son got a part in the school play this year… He will play a man married for 25 years… I congratulated him and told him next year he might get a speaking part.

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[Rollingrock]

[SpeckledSlab]

Ole was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and
repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you
should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60
POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"

Ole nodded... "Ya, but I tell you, I taut I vud drop dead dat
3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, da hunger vas one ting, but vat really got to me was all dat
skippin'!"

[SpeckledSlab]

Fast Thinking Fibber

There was a little boy named Paul in first grade who went fishing with his dad every weekend. And every monday at school he would come tell the class about the giant fish he had caught. After a few weeks the teacher became concerned that Paul may have a problem with telling fibs. She went to the principal and explained the situation. The next day the principal called Paul up to the office and sat him down. He asked paul about fishing with his dad and listened to the stories of the giant fish. After this the principal tried to get Paul to admit he was making up stories but he refused. In attempt to show Paul how far fetched his fishing stories were the principal said "now Paul, what would u say if I told you that when i went out to get that paper this morning a grizzly bear came from around my house and charged me?" Paul said "I recken that'd be pretty scary sir." satisfied with his answer the principal continued, "and what would u say if I told u that a little jack russel terrier came out of nowhere and whipped that grizzly bear? would you believe me?" without missing a beat Paul said "yes sir! thats my dog spike and thats the 5th bear he done whooped this week!

[Bricks]

Nothing more needs to be said.