Wake Up Everyone.....NEW

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[wannabe fisherman]

Sounds about right!! The weather report here takes up about 15 minutes of a half hour news show, The news gets 5 minutes and the rest is commercials

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[SpeckledSlab]

Three Rednecks were working
on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve
falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
"Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff,
I'll do it.
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a
case of Budweiser. Bruce says, "Where did you get that,
Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband
was dead and she gave you beer? "Well, not exactly",
Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,
'You must be Steve's widow'. "She said, "No, I'm not
a widow. "
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of
Budweiser you are".

[ACAMS]

Weather channel said no rain for Saturday so I went fishing .... RAINED ALL DAY!!!!

[Retired2Fish]

[SpeckledSlab]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what? ' says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'backside'." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of the chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs, crying his eyes out as his mother is in hot pursuit, slapping his rear at every step. Mom locks him in his room and
shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out! "

She comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks, in a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your backside it won't be Cheerios."

["D"]

Talked to my3 year old grandson. He is a weatherman also. He said his model showed more yellow and less red. Much milder.

[SpeckledSlab]

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning. "Windows frozen, won't open!".

The husband replies: "Gently pour lukewarm water over it and tap edges gently with hammer".

Wife texts back 10 minutes later "computer really messed up now!"

[BuckeyeCrappie]