Thread: official shellcracker jig swap#1 sign up

Well I just got back from the makeup aisle at Wal Mart. Let me share my experience of buying nail polish.

I walked around the store and finally found the nail polish next to the medicine aisle . Whatever. Well I stroll down the aisle trying not to look like I'm looking at the nail polish, but it's kind of hard cause that's the only thing on that aisle. Turns out there was a pretty young nurse looking to buy some nail polish tonight too. All the dark colors pretty much the same, so I had to bend over to read the labels to see which one was black. Well they don't sell black. They sell Tootie Fruity (Pink), Screamin Lemmin (Yellow), Very Berry (Purple), and Razzle Dazzle (Black). Apparantly men are the only people who know the primary colors these day and we are the only ones to refer to them by their common names. Anyway, back to the pretty young nurse. I am bending over and reading over the names trying to interpret which is closest to black and I can feel that girl looking at me. I look up at her and she has this look on her face like I am some cross-dressing punk. I lied and said, "Oh, this isn't for me. No ma'am. This is for my girlfriend." She appeared satisfied and went on about her selection. I boldly grabbed a bottle of Razzle Dazzle and headed to the register thinking I was in the clear. I get up to the line and there are two good ole boys in front of me. Camo head to toe. I whispered a prayer, "Please God don't let them see what I have in my hand or I'm gonna get my ass whipped in the parking lot." They didn't see me, thankfully. I step up to the register and place the bottle right in the lady's hand so no one behind me would see it. Without missing a beat, throwing privacy to the wind, she holds up the bottle and goes, "Is this for you?!" Face turning red, I replied, "Yes ma'am, but it's not what you think. I'm doing man stuff with it. I'm using it to paint fishing lures." She looked at me and repeated, "Painting fishing lures?" Now agitated I replied, "Yes, painting damn fishin lures. Now will you please go ahead and ring me up and put that in the bag?" She took her time about it, but she finally managed to scan the polish and bag it for me. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "What if I had shown up with a bottle of asprin? What about pound of sugar? What if I had a bag of chips? Would she have quizzed me if they were for me? Of course it's for me, but where's the respect for privacy for the customer? Anyway, we finally finished the transaction and she handed me the bag. As I turned to leave, she said, "You know it's okay if you paint your fingernails." I just laughed and shook my head and walked out with my tail between my legs.

In honor of this experience, I am naming the jigs I am sending in "Razzle Dazzles." Hope yall like em.