Thread: Off Subject, Divorce

The part about divorce I don't understand is why the MOTHER or WIFE always comes out ahead and the guy is left is the fricking poorhouse. One of my buddies who was married for almost 30 years comes home one day and totally out of the blue gets served papers!! He had adopted his wife's kids and raised them as his own with no support from their biological father. She gets 70 grand as her "share" of the house plus over 100,000 of investments they had accumulated. Lets not forget she gets half of his retirement which is about 2500 a month and he got half of hers which is like 600 a month. She got a new car and a huge house with no mortgage at all. He now had to refinance his paid off house and take out loans to pay her. And the funny thing is she had a BOYFRIEND!!! A GOOD LAWYER will save your butt... I am a firm believer in working things out. I am convinced most divorces can be avoided. People just get in a bad spot and think its time to split.

Generally real good advice, but each situation is different. My sister got an unfriendly judge who had just been taken to the cleaners in his own divorce. Turns out he had a thing against women in general and that included both my sister and her lawyer. To get a judge changed is like pulling teeth and all by itself can be as expensive as the divorce itself.

If counseling doesn't work, then I would suggest they try a mediation by a fair civilian they both trust and keep the lawyers out of it, if possible and it isn't always even good to try this step, until they have worked out the details between themselves, but definitely with an impartial third party presence, not alone especially if they do not get along in the first place. The more hostile this is the sooner you want a good lawyer as an advocate and adviser, and that will cost real big money.

Never put the kids in the middle, they will almost certainly be feeling like they caused it in the first place, and then do not spoil them either. Either way, if they are not dealt with as fairly and carefully as possible, you will end up with messed up kids as they grow up. They are not stupid and very quickly will find out who is honest and straight with them and which one or both can be manipulated. It is normal for kids even in healthy marriages to test the limits you have to put on them. The necessities of good parenting do not change in their basics even when the parents are no longer together, but it will certainly be harder to apply them. One should take all the honest help one can get from friends and relatives, but that is true in sound marriages anyway.