First of all, LOSERs should not ever wear the inflatable life vests, their failure rate is conversely connected to our success rate and the odds are that, in that critical moment when you really need it, the vest will fail which will be the final, ultimate, affirmation that you are indeed a LOSER.

Official LOSER attire includes a Type IV life vest, the bulkier the better, or a pair of rubber ducky floaties. (The rubber duck floaties are a badge of honor for all those that have been whipped by girl!)