My heart just sank!! Lot's of us have lost in life. But, no one can tell you exactly what your thoughts should be. I learned that I cannot control and fix everything life brings. I also learned I beleave in God because my anger was directed toward him. I still don't know "why" after 25 years. But, I know his will for me is perfect. I hope you can keep your heart peaceful during this. Use it to his glory and you will be blest.
DP