Man you are invading my tender senses now. I may go along with the smell, but not the appearance. You only wish you had a fish-catchin crate like my Onion, and are jealous.
I just had a nice conversation will my former neighbor real estate broker who now hangs his hat in Hatterus amid the condos he has built there. He is the dude gave me a key to access the upper end of Diascund and I mean upper. He asked if I had any friends if I wanted to take with me chapperoned it was okay. I told him I have no friends but that is susceptable to amendment. Its a beautiful day down here 3.2 miles from the Diascund ramp but a bit on the windy side. I like to think positive and have been sittin out on the steps naked letting my nutsack air out. Found 2 wood ticks and an unspecified creepy crawler I discarded. Thank God I kept a tight lip and dint say nuthin or post pics of the citation crew I ran into recently or you would be knockin on my door and having to excuse yurself from the table outta embarrassment at not having enuf gut to choke down the flip side of a 16 inch fillet. Yep, ol Shoe keeps it on the QT and doesnt brag on his 10 inchers that he makes citations outta with the assistance of a fish stretcher.
Wheres the party at this weekend? I dint catch ya. I am always up for a party. I have an extra length of this TexTuff roofin panelling, and am in the process of mounting a spar on The Onion to make her AC/DC and have sailing capabilities. I just dont know the lingo to shout out at the crew. "Man the bastards you pinions", or "Scale the fo'castle,
beyotches." What kinda party we talkin here? Is smoke dopery allowed? Can we lasoo wild girls from horseback? I aint lookin for a mediocre time, I'm all for the gusto. PanMan
PMed me and said he aint never rode a horse but is in a mood that if he is placed upon one and given a rope he will head if I heel. You cant argue with willpower & determination and I have no doubt he will be the best ropin partner I have ever had, albeit it costs him a marriage. I sense a ferocity in him that overcomes any infamiliarities with the sport. Sheer drive will make him excel with no coaching or wordz of wizdom on my part. I can hear it now at the Nat'l Finals Rodeo come Dec. in the Thomas & Mack Arena on the UNLV campus: "Comin outta chute #4, riding a bugeyed swaybacked, used-to-be horse its Keith X looped up on decompressants heading the calf, and El Jeffy trying not to break the barrier but wigged out on sumthin. Here they go. The calf has broke past the flag, both riders are tracking it with Keith swinging his rope-he plants it firmly with a good dally on both horns. He turns the calf for El Jeffy to make the heel shot. Kawabunga, both legs, and calf stretched out and flags down in 2.1 seconds."
Me and Pan handle the Papparazi and network interviews and finally get back to the bizness of suckering change runners to sell us rolls of nickels while we play the one-arm bandits at Sams Town and drink for free, waiting for that $.99 breakfast buffet to open up at 6 A.M. at Benny Binions Horseshoe Club. Pan is spendthrift but bet he goes to the Western Emporium at Sams Town and buys him one of those 5X beaver felt hats with the Aussie slouch front end. And a duster, full lengthy. So what if prostitution is legal in Nevada, this does not mean it is okay for him to leave spur marks on hookers. He will have to succumb to an identity thing when fans all want him to go by "Rope" Davis. Yes, we will travel the country from side to side, paying our entry fees into the best rodeos,
living on Slim Jims and cheap paltry sex. Thats paltry, not poultry.
Then our illustrious career together as team ropers suddenly comes to an abrupt end. Pan has contracted hemmoroids and can no longer sit a saddle. Trying to salvage a prosperous career, we have contacted the best butt prong doctors in the world but Pan's condition is acute. Our roping days are over. You cant ever replace a teamate that has cow-savvy like that. You will never find another one who senses & knows how you will loop that calf and present the hinds for you to drop a loop under, lettem step into, and jerk the slack. This was when PanMan and I got into bullriding. It took care of his hemmorhoids 1st trip outta the chute. He said he "inhaled them", and they havent reappeared since. Unfortunately, years together on the road took their toll. I was doing a bed check on our horses one night and came back to the motel to find Pan in a compromising position with a rodeo clown. In a barrel. Him and I both went on to marry each others' ex-wives and we mended our fences. I am happy to state that although I consider Pan a good friend, close confidant, and moderator extroadinaire, the feeling of friendship has waned since he wont share his ol lady with me.