The Crappie Ninja episode I
prologue:
The story is a TRUE story of a mans quest to become a crappie ninja. On this board there are many who catch some fish, but there are some who go beyond the title of fishermen and are true Crappie Ninjas. Even beyond that, there are people who I consider to be Crappie Ninja Masters who help others who desire to be better crappie fishermen. Some of the students of these masters go on to become Crappie Ninjas and some even masters themselves.
Some of the facts have been paraphrased, embellished, or substitued by metaphors to protect the innocent and make the guilty appear guiltier.
Cast
Nimrod playing the part of "Crappie Ninja Master"
RCC playing the part of "young grass hopper"
Story by RCC
Editing by RCC
Missspelling by RCC
Photography by RCC and Nimrod
Rated PG but censored to fit forum rules.
For the full effect, please read the part of "Crappie Ninja Master" with your best Chinese accent and the part of "young grass hopper" in the Arkansas twang of RCC.
So we begin...
All my life I have watched from afar as Crappie were caught by others and never by me except by accident. Approximately 4 years ago, I discovered crappie.com and thus began my quest to become a "crappie ninja", striking fear into crappie families near and far. The crappie ninja, able to move with stealth and cunning from crappie home to crappie home in various conditions snatching crappie and wreaking havoc among the crappie hoards which left unchecked would undoubtedly take over the world. I had met a "Crappie Ninja Master" approximately a year ago and was invited to study under his direction the ways of the crappie ninja. After many PM'd tips and suggestions I began to improve my crappie catching skills and felt I was ready to pass any test the "Crappie Ninja Master" could create. Leaving my pagoda on Monday morning at 3:20 am I sat out on my quest for Crappie Ninja status. Meeting me at Lake Nimrod, I was greated by the "Master" who said "young glass hoppa, my sampan is already in the water, you can leave your JUNK on the trailer!!! What was meant by this statement? Was the master poking fun at my equipment or was he merely using the title of a Chinese boat for my equipment. At this I knew the CNM (crappie ninja master) was very cunning and to achieve crappie ninja status, I would need to be mentally, sharp, physically strong, and lucky as well.
to be continued:
Is the CNM making fun of the young grass hoppers equipment? What feats will the YGH be required to complete to achieve Crappie Ninja status? Stay tuned for episode II of THE CRAPPIE NINJA. subtitle The Challenge.
episode II "The Challenge"
As we zoomed across the stumpy lake at mach speed in the CNM (crappie ninja masters) sampan, I was concerned about the tasks I was to be challenged with. Would it be swimming Lake Nimrod from east to west? I cannot swim a lick but I had trained holding my breath for long lengths of time so this challenge was of no concern to me. Was the challenge to be climbing Mount Nebo at night while blindfolded at night in my skivvies? I had trained for this in the mountains of Mississippi county Arkansas so I was prepared for that.
"young glass hoppa, your challenge to become a crappie ninja is to snatch the crappie from the bush quicker than I. When the student can snatch quicker than the master, he has become a crappie ninja. "
This reminded me of the challenge in the movie "Kung Fu" circa 1972. A shiver of fear ran up my spine as I considered this challenge. I had realized that this may be the challenge and had stacked the odds in my favor by checking the weather and selecting a couple of days with low wind forecast and favorable conditions for fishing to stack the odds in my favor. The forecast was low wind, with a very slight chance of rain, then the shiver ran back down my spine as we pulled up to the first brush pile and the wind began to blow.
to be continued....
The Crappie Ninja part III
As the wind began to blow out of the due west at approximatley the speed of a NASA wind tunnel set to hurricane, the CNM (crappie ninja master) began to snatch crappie after crappie out of the bush. I had heard others tell the tale of the CNM hookset and landing technique. I assumed for years, that this tale was just a myth but seeing the technique in person left me quaking in my crocs. As I watched and listened, I began to detect a sequence of sounds in the rhythm of the CNM catching frenzy. It reminded me of the sound that you hear when you run over a possum at 55mph on the interstate. It was the sound of "thump, thump" on each catch. Perhaps it was the sound of hitting a possum at 85mph on the interstate because the first thump sound was not complete. ThuThump, ThuThump, ThuThump the sound went on and on and I realized the first Thu was the crappie hitting and the completion Thump was the fish hitting the bottom of the boat. ThuThump, 11 inch fish, ThuThump, 13 inch fish, ThuThump 14.5 inch crappie which after hitting the bottom of the boat the CNM said "get the net young glass hoppa," and finished with a chinese sounding laugh " he he he he he"" as he tossed the slab into the cooler. We were soon joined by another sampan which gave us a fishing report of "the fish aren't biting today" and headed for the landing. The CNM turned to me and said "young glass hoppa learn old chinese proverb. Fish already in cooler have no need of fishing report." he finished the thought with another funny sounding chinese laugh "he he he he he".
to be continued...next episode sub titled Young Grass Hoppers first catch.
The Crappie Ninja Part IIII
Up till now the crappie had eluded my offering of a secret jig I had received from the CNM a few weeks back. Wishing not to reveal the identity of this secret bait, I will call it the Nimr Pecial which is Ninja code only decipherable by Crappie Ninjas and those in training to be one. I had dangled the Nimr Pecial into the same bush as the CNM without even a hit. Perhaps sensing my discouragement the CNM turned to me and said "young glass hoppa, tie this on" and he handed me another Nimr Pecial. As a Ninja in training, I obediently pulled up my jig to tie the new one on. In one hand, I held my jig a Nimr Pecial and in the other I held another Nimr Pecial, perfectly identical. What was this? Was I to cut off a new jig that had never been bit then tie on the exact same jig and expect to catch fish? I made the tie then dropped the jig into the bush and the line just kept going. I was hooked into my first slab of the day. After stuggling for quite some time I wrestled the fish to the top of the water and into the boat and proudly looked at my prize. Not the biggest fish I have ever caught, but a nice one. Surely this would impress the CNM. The CNM looked at the fish and said "fish close to minner size, young glass hoppa. Fish must measure on board 10 inches to fulfill honorable place in fish box" he said as he placed the fish on the board. The fish wiggled and flopped but the tail finally laid down, just touching 10 inches. A KEEPER, I had caught A KEEPER I said as I jumped around in the sampan which is not a good thing to do on lake Nimrod with hurricane force winds, but my joy was short lived as the the CNM tossed the fish over the side. My joy became anger and I loudly proclaimed my disagreement with the release of the fish. "That fish was 10 inches" I said and the CNM replied, "young glass hoppa, today we not use inches to measure, we use metric system. Fish must be 254 mm to have place in honorable fish box so fish glass hoppa, fish. Learn old Chinese proverb young glass hoppa, Jig in air only catch flying fish." This made sense to me so I dropped my jig into the water. One thing puzzled me so I asked the CNM the question, "Why, with 2 exact Nimr Pecials one would catch and the other did not"? The CNM replied "young glass hoppa, you try my patience with your questions, but this I will answer. Young glass hoppa Nimr Pecial only weigh 1.7718452 grams, CNM Nimr Pecial weigh 3.54369039 grams. To catch fish, one must place jig on crappie nose." "How did you know" I asked, "you could not see my jig head since it was covered by the tube". The CNM with a sigh replied "young glass hoppa, you try my patience. One must be aware of surroundings to catch elusive fish. The curvature of line in rising sun indicate jig not pulling line down to fish. Jig must be on fish nose to catch. Now fish glass hoppa, fish have you already forgotten old chinese proverb Jig in air.....". "I know I know, Only catch flying fish" I replied as my 3.54369039 gram Nimr Pecial hit the water. The Crappie Ninja Master continued to add slab after slab to the cooler and at one time the ThuThump of the catch sounded like a flock of possums attempting to cross I40 at NLR during rush hour. ThuThump, ThuThump the sound went on and suddenly all ThuThumps ceased and the lake was overcome with an eerie silence. I turned in my seat as the CNM said "19 slabs have I put into the honorable fish box, how many have you"? I sheepishly replied 7, fudging the number slightly so I wouldn't be so embarrased. "Young Glass Hoppa, today you catch limit of slab while I instruct you in the way of the Crappie Ninja" the CNM replied while cutting of the Nimr Pecial and tieing on buckwheat...
The Crappie Ninja, to be continued in part IIIII subtitled Buckwheat and the Storm
The Crappie Ninja part IIIII buckwheat and the storm.
"Young glass hoppa fish with Nimr Pecial while Crappie Ninja Master fish with buckwheat till all limits are reached" the CNM proclaimed. No, it cannot be true I thought. No one to my knowledge has ever caught a crappie on buckwheat. It has been rumored among the crappie circles that buckwheat not only is the ugliest jig ever created by man, it has also been marinated in crappie repellent for 2 weeks and a non-fish catching curse placed on it by a voodoo witch doctor. I was overjoyed the CNM would not catch another fish and I would finally catch up to his numbers so we began to fish again. As we positioned over another brush pile I felt the wind change and with it came a slightly cooler temperature and a fresh smell. I glanced in the direction of the wind and was greeted by the view of a sheet of water heading across the lake toward the sampan. "It is fixing to rain" I proclaimed, to which the CNM replied "The smell of rain sometime awaken a sleeping man" . What did this mean I pondered as water poured through the vents of my crappie.com hat and into my Columbia fishing shirt which I had chosen to wear this trip instead of my usual red ninja head band and white pajamas. Suddenly the meaning of the phrase came to me. If you can see the rain or smell it and are not moving toward the ramp already, you are fixing to get wet. As the rain poured and we became soaked to the skin, the wind made it's way across the due north and around to the east as the rain blew over us. As soon as it had passed, the storm began to thunder and make it's way back across the lake traveling toward the direction it had first come from. Let's go I said but the CNM replied "glass hoppa must face many challenge on path to Crappie Ninja. Fish bite evely day, but rainy night in Georgia always get you down". I pondered this saying with a back ground symphony saying thuthump splash,thuthump splash. What did the CNM mean was it some Ninja saying or was he merely singing a line of Ray Charles music? Then it dawned on me...WHAT!!!!! THUTHUMP. There should be no thuthump with buckwheat tied on and I slowly began to turn in my seat as I heard THU. THUMP the sound finished as another slab hit the sampan bottom with a slightly nauseated look on its face. As I gazed at the nauseated 12 inch crappie, which had been enticed to bite, the fish was released over the side with the expanation "fish no measure using metric system. CNM still only have 19 fish in honorable box, he he he he he". I was then assaulted by a cacaphony of thuthumps and watching, I saw crappie, bream, catfish, and drum fall to buckwheat all with the same nauseated look on their faces as though they were forced to ingest some foul tasting medicine. I even became nauseated my self looking at buckwheat. "How do you do it Master" I asked? "Focus chi on fish young glass hoppa. Will fish to become one with hook and line. How many have you now glass hoppa? " Eleven" I replied fudging the number even more. "FISH GLASS HOPPA, FISH" the CNM shouted while gesturing angrily with the 12 foot BnM. "Today you catch limit".
to be continued in The Crappie Ninja part IIIIII subtitle Reaching the Limits.
The Crappie Ninja episode IIIIII Reaching the Limit
I've reached my limit I shouted dancing around in the sampan. "Ahhhhh so, young glass hoppa. Ancient Chinese proverb say, man who fish with eye of eagle......". "Shut up with the stupid proverbs, I'VE REACHED MY LIMIT" I shouted while jumping around with my legs crossed, looking for the head in the sampan. Get me to the bank, and I mean now I shouted. After returning to the boat from my trip up the bank the CNM said "I am velly implessed by ninja like speed and ability to conceal young glass hoppa". While first thankful for the compliment, I then began to realize that all who find themselves in that situation often exhibit astonishing feats of speed, concealment and ninja like ingenuity, so maybe it wasn't exactly something to be proud of. I then began to remember that we were in the middle of an ancient Chinese proverb when I left so I urged the CNM to continue. "Man who fish with eye of eagle often run out of bait and find himself on wrong side of law" he replied
We continued to fish and finally I said "I've reached my limit" slumping exhausted into the tempress seat. "Velly good glass hoppa you have 20 fish above 254mm in length"? No I replied I have 18 (this number being slight inflated from the actual number). I can't fish any longer I am so tired. "Focus glass hoppa let the elements free your spirit so that you may become of the same mind as the fish" the CNM encouraged. Or was it encouragement? Was the CNM saying I had the brain of a fish? What did this mean?
Summoning all my remaining energy I began to fish with vigor and new focus and was rewarded by a monster thump of which I attempted to finish with another thump into the boat, but instead heard the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of the drag. As the fish came to the top about 20 feet from the boat, I saw I was hooked into a real Crappie Ninja sized slab which I would estimate to be from 1.5 to 2lbs. As I attempted to drag him to the sampan the jig tore from his mouth and the fish disappeared into the lake. The CNM seeing my crestfallen look comforted me with an ancient Chinese proverb "man who lose slab soon swim back to bank with rock".
I finally caught up to the CNM's crappie numbers and we both had 19 each in the "honorable" fish box and he said "two more and the sun will set upon all who have limits before dark". Amazingly as we pulled to the next spot both his and my rods bent and while his crappie went thuthump, mine being approximately similar in size went thump............................................. ....................................thump. I had reached a limit, but at the end of the day, I had failed. I was still unable to snatch the crappie from the bush quicker than the master.
to be continued in The Crappie Ninja part IIIIIII subtitled The Katana
The Crappie Ninja episode IIIIIII subtitle The Katana Duel
Our limits finished, the Crappie Ninja Master pointed the sampan toward the ramp and in a short time we were safely back on dry ground. Since the CNM had done all the work up till now, I offered to clean our fish and besides, I had brought with me an electric katana with which I felt comfortably proficient. Reaching my JUNK and inspecting it found all my junk intact. I was relieved that nothing was taken since all my poles and lot's of tackle, and even a digital camera (accidentally) were left unsecured. We then went to the cleaning station where I began to fillet with my electric katana. I had filleted a short time when suddenly my electric katana ground to a halt. I looked around to see what had happend and saw the CNM standing with the cord end in his hand. "Filet now young glass hoppa" he said then laughed the funny Chinese laugh "he, he, he, he. He then pulled out a 22.86cm non-electrical katana turned it horizontal and looked over top of the razor sharp blade directly into my eyes. Sensing a challenge to duel I slowly plugged my katana back in and with both hands on the handle glared back across the top of my electric katana at the CNM. With a Chinese sounding scream the duel began. The graphic scene that took place does not have a place on this forum since it could be read by women and children. Razor sharp katanas wielded by men skilled in the ancient eastern arts of filleting make short work of even a mountain of crappie. As we finished, I glanced over the cleaning table and even though I had started first, his mountain of fillets was as high as mine. With this he said "glass hoppa who filet on moon need long extension cord. he, he, he, he".
to be continued in The Crappie Ninja episode IIIIIIII subtitled Breakfast and Mojo
The Crappie Ninja episode IIIIIIII subtitled Breakfast x3
Being weary from a long days journey and several hours of Crappie Ninja training under the tutelege of a CNM who would show no mercy, I decided to turn in early. With a good nights rest, I would awaken physically sharp and mentally strong or at least awaken in some combination of those words. However, a problem did arise. If I am away from home, it takes me at least a couple nights to adjust before I can sleep, so every hour on the hour, I would wake up. By 3:30 am I decided enough was enough and got up. Placing everything back in the boat and securing it only took a short time so by 4:15 I was ready to go. I decided I would find a quick shop to gas up, get some coffee and some breakfast. Finding an open quick shop was no problem, but they had just started the coffee brewing. I waited for the coffee for quite some time and when it was finished, I said that I would take the biscuit that was in the warmer which I am sure had been there from yesterday. As I suspected, the biscuit was not much for taste, texture, or probably nourishment either. I choked it down and got on the road. I had traveled a short time when I came across a Mcdonalds that was open. I stopped in hopes to find something hot and at least fresher than the previous biscuit so I got a Sausage Mcmuffin and hash browns off the dollar menu and ate those. Finishing my coffee as I reached the CNMs pagoda, I walked to the door and as I stepped upon the porch I was greeted by a smell. CINNAMON ROLLS!!!! I may not ever achieve Crappie Ninja status since I have only practiced a mere 4 years, but I have devoted a lifetime to being a "Pastry Ninja" snatching pastries from unsuspecting......oh well you know the rest. The Pastry ninja has struck in many places as was related in the previous saga "Arkansas Crappie Trek". As I stepped inside the CNM asked "has young glass hoppa had breakfast"? I knew my reputation was at stake. Was I to tell a lie? I began to stutter and my heart began to race, then the answer came clearly to me. I have not had breakfast, I have had two breakfasts. The CNM asked me if I had eaten breakfast. To answer completly honestly, I should reply "No, I have eaten two breakfasts". So I chose to answer as honestly as I could with a resounding "NO". The CNM then cut me a square of homemade, fresh baked, cinnamon roll and placed it on a white paper plate of which you could then only see a sliver of the white of the plate from underneath the roll. I glowered at the CNM with a scowl as the heat from the cinnamon roll burned my hand underneath and said "has Crappie Ninja master checked roll on measuring board? Roll must measure 254mm before reaching honorable place in glass hoppa belly". He assured me it was slab size so I began to eat. The roll was as light as a feather and the mix of cinnamon and sugars covering the pastry was of perfect taste and texture. The pecans that had been placed into the roll were discovered to be as gold nuggets to a peasant. After completing the roll, we headed to the lake for another day of Crappie Ninja training.
to be continued in The Crappie Ninja episode IIIIIIIII subtitled That Low Down Two Timer.
