Thread: these are for SteveJ

• Re-released hits for baby boomers:
  
  • “You’re So Varicose Vein” by Carly Simon
  • “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” by the BeeGees
  • “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face” by Roberta Flack
  • “I Can’t See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash
  • “Papa Got A Kidney Stone” by the Temptations
  • “These Boots Give Me Arthritis” by Nancy Sinatra
  • “You Make Me Feel Like Napping” by Leo Sayer
  • “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom” by the Commodores
  • “A Whiter Shade of Hair” by Procol Harum
  • “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” by the Beatles
  • “Rikki, Don’t Lose Your Car Keys” by Steely Dan
  • “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker” by Herman's Hermits
  • “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication” by the Who
  • “Bald Thing” by the Troggs
  • “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” by the Rolling Stones
  • “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts” by Marvin Gaye
  • And last, but definitely not least, “Bad Prune Rising” by Credence Clearwater Revivial (our personal favorite)

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. They went right though it. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red and was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, the light was definitely red, and sure enough, they went right through again. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my, am I driving?"


An old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had taken. The lady replied, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Nine." The judge said, "Well then, I'm going to give you nine days in jail--one day for each peach." As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak. The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?" The husband said, "Your honor, she also stole a can of peas."

Good stuff, I'm not quite this bad tho.

The Three Sons Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"