A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO THE PET STORE.
Yesterday I was at the pet store buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the wonder dog. I was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that "NO" I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the "Purina Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. I also told her that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and Iv's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a "Perfect Diet" and that the way it works best is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungary. The food is nutritionally complete (certified) so it works well, and I was going to try it again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled wih my story). Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the intensive care unit because the dog food poisoned me. I told her "NO", I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. The pet store won't let me shop there anymore.