couple funnies

[jimmydee1]

Elderly lady decides to pamper herself on her birthday with an overnight stay in one of the most expensive and fancy hotels in New York. When she checked out the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.. She came unglued and demanded to know why it was so high. "Well, first it's our standard rate, breakkfast is free, we have an Opympic sized pool and conference center second to none." The old lady informs him that she didn't use any of that stuff, but he informed her that she could have because it was there. He goes on, "And, we have some of the best entertainers performing in our hotel and free valet parking." She informed him that she didn't go to a show, and took a cab. He informed her that they were there for her use, anyway. Very upset, she agrees, and writes the man a check. He looks at it and says, "Mam, this is only for $50.00." She says, "Yes, that's correct, I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me." Taken back, the clerk said, "Madam, I most certainly DID NOT sleep with you." "Too bad. I was here. You could have." Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies.

[jimmydee1]

We can all relate to this: Sweet grandmother telephone St. Joseph's Hospital and aske if it was possible to speak to someone about how a patien is doing. Operator said she'd be glad to help, and asked for the name and room number. In her weak and soft little voice she said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." Operator replied, after checking with the nurses station, that Norma is doing well, all vitals are in line and Dr. Green has her scheduled to be discharged at noon. Little ole lady thanks the opertor and thanks her for the good news. The operator ask is Normas was her daughter? "No," she says, :I'm Norma Findlay in room 203. Nobody tells me crap."

[jimmydee1]

OK, OK, OK------but only one encour. One sunny day in January, 2013, an old mans walks across Pennsylvanis Avenue to the White House and asks the US Maraine on guard, "I would like to go in and speak with Mr. Obama." The Marine informes him that Mr. Obama is no longer President. The old man walks away only to return three days in a row with the same request. On the fourth day the Marine, a little disgusted, tells the old fella, "Look, this is the fourth day you've asked to speak with Mr. Obama, and I keep telling you he is no longer President. What don't you understand?" Little old man, with a twinkle in his eye and cute little smile on his face, says, "I know sonny and I DO understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snaps to attention and reports back, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

["G"]

Good ones jimmydee.....I really like the last one.

[majflyboy]

Cute ones jimmy

[Billbob]

great last 1

[C N]

Rofl

[Hook One]

All good, but the last one aaaaaaaaaa+++++++++++++++++++++++ all the way.