Thread: Rodney Dangerfield

> We miss Rodney Dangerfield because he said:
>
> My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to
> time an egg.
>
> It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she
> won't drink from my glass!
>
> Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
> negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
>
> A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went
> over. Nobody was home!
>
> A hooker once told me she had a headache.
>
> I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
>
> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
>
> I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you
> going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
>
> I knew a girl so ugly... they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
>
> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
> roaches hang themselves.
>
> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
>
> The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
> 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
>
> My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
>
> I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
> Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
>
> My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
>
> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago
> last night.
>
> Decided to become a flasher and put a little excitement in my life. Went
> down to the park and flashed an undercover cop. She arrested me and took me to the Small Claims Court. I get no respect, no respect at all.
>
> LAST ONE:
>
> My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have
> had anything to play with.

"Just no respect at all"