When to or when not to help?

[crappieseeker]

I was wondering what some of you would do under these circumstances. One day i was at the beach on vacation. One of the very few vacations that i have ever really gotten to go on. Worked hard for my money and deserved a little gettaway. Anyway, a man comes up to me and asks me if I have a few dollars to help him get some gas for his car. At the same time, he is unwrapping the plastic cover off a brand new pack of cigarettes. Dont get me wrong, I am not a smoker but I dont have anything against anyone who does. I just dont see people doing without things they need just to support a habbit "except if its fishing, j/k" I almost gave the man a few dollars, but I thought to myself that he knew he needed money, yet he bought cigarettes instead. So would I therefore be helping him, or supporting a habbit. I told him I didnt have any money to spare. Okay guys and gals, dont think I am bashing you smokers because I'm not, cause alot of my family smokes. Was I wrong not to help this person? Another time I was at the mall in Las Vegas, and if you ever been there, you know there are thousands of people who come in there daily. A guy came around the food court multiple times with these little pins and a little note that said something like " I am deaf, this is the only way I have to make a living, any donation would be apreciated." If you left a dollar or two, you got to keep the little pin, if not he would come back by and collect them. Now this guy would do this many times daily. I saw people lay down as much as 5 dollars. I thought to myself, this guy is making a fortune doing this. I wondered if he was really even deaf. Now granted there are some jobs that probably wouldnt hire a deaf person even though they are not suppose to discriminate, but there are jobs that will hire and do hire deaf people. This guy was in very good shape and he zipped around that food court, i would hire him for a job in a second. I again declined to donate money. Was I wrong again. I do my share of helping and giving, but there has to be a sign of need. I am not stingy, and would give you the shirt off my back if I thought you needed it and you done all you could to help yourself first. The problem I have is that even when I dont help someone who probably doesnt need help anyway, I still feel guilty.

[Shellback]

He spent money on cigs instead of gas for his car? Shame on him, let him take the shoe leather express.

[Roberta]

There's a difference between poeple who are truly in need and those who just make bad choices. Hey, we've all been in a situation where we have a car break down at an in oppportune time, but surely this guy knw he was low on gas. I can't tell you how many people have blocked our drive because they ran out of gas, even though they just passed three gas stations one mile up the road.

A friend of ours is a jazz musician. He worked thirty years in a county job he hated and played music on the side until he was finally able to take early retirement and play full time. He has told us that more than once, he's been approached by panhandlers while walking between parking and the venue where he's been hired to play. More than once, he has offered to bring the person into the venue and buy him a sandwich and beverage. Nope.That's not what he wants; he wants the cash. Phil says he's not going to be an enabler and walks away . - Roberta

[fishingpox]

You were right in assuming that the man had bought ciggs. instead of gas. And you were right not to give him money if you were not lead to. But lets not look down up on people who have additive habits. I personally have had several additive habits and I know how hard it is to quit. I have shaken those habits now..other than my strong opinions on religion and politics

Honestly, you should not feel guilty about not giving your hard earned money. The only reason I might give to someone of the street is one they look healthy, I know the look of crack heads and alcoholics. Ut oh, wait, now I have never done crack fellows

You are a good fellow seeker.

[fiddlefarter]

I have worked in Nashville since I was 16. I've heard the "I need gas money" and "my car broke down" story so many times its pathetic. and I thought they were all bull. One time though when I did landscaping this dude came up while we were trimming bushes at a restaraunt, and we had crap all over the place. We were just about done bagging up the stuff when he came up and gave me the "no gas money" bit. I said I'd give him $10 to take all the bags and put them in our trailer. He said ok and started hauling the bags full of eunonomis, holly, pyracanthra, and barberry trimmings over his shoulder. He put all 25 or so bags in the truck, and they were pretty dang heavy. He only complained on the first bag when the thorns poked him in the back. But I payed him $10.
I also threatened to hit another feller with a shovel when he asked me for money as we were laying several pallets of sod at a new store and it was about 98 degrees with 90% humidity. I wasn't in the giving mood that day. He ran across 5 lanes of traffic to get away from me. I never got off the tractor. I reckon I was pretty harsh.

[J White]

I wouldn't feel bad in the situation described - years ago, when I was
fresh out of Mississippi and in the Air Force, turned loose in the big world,
this wild looking character with dreadlocks and a thick Jamaican accent
approached me at a gas stop, had a piece of a fan belt in his hand,
asked me for money to help him get his broken down car going...
I gave him a couple of bucks, but later wondered how much he had made
off that belt, or if he even had a car...
I wish ya'll could have seen the look on the face of the first guy I had
snap a polaroid of me at the top of an escalator in a shopping mall -
I said sincerely "Thank you" and stuck it in my pocket... Couldn't figure out
why he seemed so pi**ed until later, I saw someone else giving him money
for one. Nothing like being fresh off the farm! :p :p :p Boy, that sure was
a long time ago.
Oh, and the time this old guy asked me for a lift across town - I cheerfully
carried the old coot right up to his doorstep, and as he was getting out,
he asked me for $3.00 - not some money, but exactly $3.00. (He's still
clutching 3 or 4 packs of cigs in one hand, he got at the store where I
picked him up) It flew all over me, and I wasn't too nice - felt a little bad
afterwards, but ????

[Barnacle Bill]

We used to have several people standing in the middle of the streets with signs saying "Will work for food". Offer them a job and they laugh at you saying they can make more standing there.

[J White]

We used to have several people standing in the middle of the streets with signs saying "Will work for food". Offer them a job and they laugh at you saying they can make more standing there.

Call me what you want - folks like that should be bonked on the head and
left laying in the ditch...

[jrfwmf]

I went to the convenience store one night shortly before their closing time. On the way I passed a stalled car on the country road to town.

Arriving at the store I noticed a young man sitting outside the store on the walk with a gas can. Can was full of gas. He was dressed nice. Just got of work as a waiter at a place in Tulsa. No money.

Seems he'd run out of gas, walked to the store, called a friend or relative, they came to help and bought him gas. Unfortunately they apparently didn't have any money either so left him there with the "I'll go get money and come back for you." He'd been waiting over an hour.

I asked inside about the situation. Lady said she thinks they left him as collateral or something. I paid for his gas and took him to his car, made sure he got it started, etc just so the poor kid could get home.

I directed him to go straight to the store and stop and tell them he was mobil. That way the store knew I didn't kidnap him and if anyone came looking, they'd know he was OK.

The store let me know that he did exactly that.

So that's a five dollar good deed and this is the first I've said about it to anyone.

I smoke and sometimes I have cigarettes and no money. It doesn't mean I didn't have the cigarettes before I lost/spent my money. I won't make those assumptions.

[anchorpuller]

Seeker,

I think you did exactly as you should have.
I personally have seen the panhandlers on the median at traffic lights with the "will work for food" signs. But, my favorite (and the only one I've given to) was the guy with the "why the hell lie, I need a beer!" sign. Sorry, I know that is enabling, but I appreciate honesty. :rolleyes:
I personally have a hard time trusting big charity organizations, however I do believe that God leads me to the needy when I need to be charitable.
Have a heart, but using your brain certainly doesn't make you a bad person either!