Wake up everyone…

[MackB]

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Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Crappie.com Fishing mobile app

[MackB]

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Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Crappie.com Fishing mobile app

[BuckeyeCrappie]

Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across this lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
“What’s the matter?” Asked Olaf.
“Oh,” sobs the lady. “ I want to look at the frozen puddings, but as you can see there’s three steps down to the chiller cabinets.”
“No problem,” replies Olaf, lifting her on his back, “I’ll take you.”
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back.
She collects several puddings in a basket Olaf is carrying for her.
At the other end, the lady’s husband was waiting for her at her wheel chair.
“I really want to thank you,” as Olaf set her down in her chair, “But I don’t know who you are.”
Olaf just waves and walks off.
“I was really worried for you!” The lady’s husband said, “What were you doing?”
“I’ve been through the desserts on a Norse with no name.”

[chaunc]

[Retired2Fish]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with an expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago, and I still hadn’t paid for them.
Well, hellloooo,………..just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him exactly what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It’s been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up
He never called back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

[MackB]

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Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Crappie.com Fishing mobile app

[Hanr3]

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Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Crappie.com Fishing mobile app

I have a full size version of that I carry in my camper.

[BuckeyeCrappie]

[BuckeyeCrappie]

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." "No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says, "Please tell me how you died."

The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

[BuckeyeCrappie]