December

[Micanopy]

I asked Santa for toys and candy. Same as every year. Disappointed once again. She gives me artworks.












There are like five saltwater species carved into a single piece of wood. Very impressive in person because it is quite large. Almost too heavy for me to carry. Sits on our dining room table.

Then I got a wall panel from China. Looks to be over a hundred years old. They told her it hung in an opium den, which it probably did. I know where she went to get it and they have nice stuff.

Couple of dumb books. A matching pair of platters with pigs molded into them, which she said I could use when I make ribs and such for her parties. Yet another specialized platter for when I make deviled eggs for her parties. I think there is some sort of a theme developing here. No toys and no candy.

Today she and her sister travel South to visit their grand parents, and spend the night with them. I was told that I am supposed to use this time to setup her new hot tub. Attach her new makeup mirror in the bathroom. Put away my gifts. Anything I want to do after I done all that is OK. I am suspicious that maybe I might be an abused husband. All the symptoms are there.

Took Mom’s dog over to Mom’s house on Christmas Eve, hoping she would want to keep it. Nope, back to my house she says. I told her the dog pees and poops all over the house and she doesn’t seem to even care. At least two more weeks I have to babysit her stupid creature what doesn’t even know how to be a dog. We are not thrilled. She stands on the pee pads and lets it fly right off the edge of the thing. Daub daub, spritz the spot and daub and wipe some more. It gets old and then gets frustrating. Too cold to just lock the dumb thing outside, too.

My family doesn’t want to do presents. Like there is something wrong with that. Her family loves doing presents. Yesterday their living room floor was covered with presents and everyone sits and watches the recipient carefully open the gift, one at a time to extend the joy I suspect, and then they all get a good look at it, and then they offer their comments and sometimes applause and chant Good Gift. It took two hours at least to get through them all. That is where wifey wants us to open our personal stuff. She has a sister that just has to be the center of attention and after a while I began questioning whether her gifts were really all that more special than anyone else’s. LOL

They cooked a prime rib and I sliced it very thin in a valiant attempt to get seven pieces. After dinner, wifey suggests letting me get the prime rib next year. I think she realized that there was not enough meat to go round and wanted to be nice about it. They made salad. Who eats salad on Christmas ? I wanted baked potatoes, but look, we have salad. They get a two bone roast for seven people, and garnish with a salad and I am like why bother.

I had run down to the grocery store on Christmas Eve morning and took advantage of the sale on Ribeye Roasts. Got three of them, anyone of which was larger than what we had for a seven person dinner. I carefully sliced them into fat ribeye steaks and vacuum sealed them and into the freezer they went. Now I have a nice selection of fat rib eye steaks. Mmmmmmmmm……meaty devils they are. Extra thick. I like to take the frozen steak in the bag and into the seus vide water bath in the morning. Then in the evening remove it from the bag and dance it atop the charbroiler for some searing and serve. Beautifully cooked meat from edge to edge. Like a champ. Looks like some professional chef did it at a fancy steak house. Of course I left the steaks bone in so we have something to naw on after ….the dumb salad is all gone. Did I mention the spinach was wilted ? I mean no toys no candy and instead I get wilted spinach.

They did have some beer available, but just one was enough for me. I didn’t want them telling her to drive. She is horrible. I mean someone will want to merge onto the interstate and she starts braking to allow them. They go from accelerating to braking because they see she hasn’t yet passed them by. Then they both brake some more and I begin bracing for the impact from the rear. She will damn near stop to let them go. She gets behind someone going ten under and follows them. So I am constantly telling her- Honey why don’t you just pass that guy ? She is never in a hurry to get anywhere it seems. Both hands locked tight to the wheel. Oh and the music……eegad the music. I just hit the kill switch and make it go away.

I love Christmas. Great time to complain about family members, gifts, dinner, dogs, whatever. A virtual wonderland of things to choose from. No toys…. no candy……bahh humbug.