Military Draft for Geezers
The Armed Forces thinks Geezers too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards as usual. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take "You old geezers". You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old geezers only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving you geezers more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
(2) Us Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry'. Geezers are impatient and maybe letting them kill some jerk that desperately deserves it will make them feel better and shut them up for a while.
(3) An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the heck. Besides, 'they are tired and can't sleep and since they are already up, they may as well be up killing some fanatical terrorist.
(4) If captured, they couldn't spill the beans because they would have forgot where they put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
(5) Boot camp would be easier for you old geezers. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and you're used to soft food. You have also developed an appreciation for guns. You've been using them for years, as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
(6) Military would need to adjust the Physical part of basic training of course. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy in my opinion anyway. I've never seen anyone any age outrun a bullet.
Finally: Let's send the geezers to track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
