Well it had to happen eventually. Went hunting on the Mississippi River and it was COOOOOOLD, about 8 degrees with a wind chill of -20. We took a nice ride 13 miles to where we were going to hunt. Now with it being that cold and doing 45 to 50 on an open boat, ( your snot freezes to the side of your face) and anything wet will stick on contact.
We make it way back in the boonies and set the decoys then pull up in some willows and set the blind on the boat. We are ready to smack them. Shooting time comes and we spank 11 mallards in the first wave. Go out pick up the ducks and pull back in. One of my cleints for the day says the magic words, " Torch I got to take a crap". Well we are 3 miles from any land and I say man you got to hold it or go off the back of the boat.
This is a big guy and he says I can't hold it so he comes to the rear of the boat and steps over the blind frame. Now on the back of my boat ain't a lot of room past the blind and you have splash well and motor. He gets his waders down and slips a little and foot goes in the water but he catches his self and pulls back up. Now left foot is stuck to the boat instantly. I help him break his foot loose and he decides he can't go off the back of the boat. I notice its below 0 and he is sweating like a pig. He steps back in and says I got to go in the boat. I say man you ain't going to go inside my boat. He exclaims I will find something to go in and throw it over the side.
Me and 3 others move as far to the front of the boat as we can giggling like little girls. This guy squats and lets a bomb off. We are laughing and crying at the same time. He ask for some of the famous blue paper towels and he is finished. I turn around to find out he has shat on one of my very expensive decoys and he throws it out. His buddies are laughing but I am not. I could never ever touch this decoy again so I pull out the 10 ga and in at two quick blasts the decoy now rests at the bottom of the river.
Everyone is giving the poor guy hell and I am in the back of the boat now but I still smell something. And its not just me the guys buddies make him stand up and they check his waders and coat for misses. Its not on him but the smell continues. They ask me to lite the heater and it really gets bad. I can't stand it any more so I pull back the top and stand up looking to see if maybe he missed the deke and some is on the floor. We look and look and nothing is there. Ducks come in and we shoot an knock down 8 gadwalls. I pull the boat out to pick up the ducks and the guy on the bow starts hollerin and screamin.....................when I shot the decoy it blew,,,,,,you guessed it...... all over the side of the boat and the blind.
Man I love duck hunting.
