When to or when not to help?

I was wondering what some of you would do under these circumstances. One day i was at the beach on vacation. One of the very few vacations that i have ever really gotten to go on. Worked hard for my money and deserved a little gettaway. Anyway, a man comes up to me and asks me if I have a few dollars to help him get some gas for his car. At the same time, he is unwrapping the plastic cover off a brand new pack of cigarettes. Dont get me wrong, I am not a smoker but I dont have anything against anyone who does. I just dont see people doing without things they need just to support a habbit "except if its fishing, j/k" I almost gave the man a few dollars, but I thought to myself that he knew he needed money, yet he bought cigarettes instead. So would I therefore be helping him, or supporting a habbit. I told him I didnt have any money to spare. Okay guys and gals, dont think I am bashing you smokers because I'm not, cause alot of my family smokes. Was I wrong not to help this person? Another time I was at the mall in Las Vegas, and if you ever been there, you know there are thousands of people who come in there daily. A guy came around the food court multiple times with these little pins and a little note that said something like " I am deaf, this is the only way I have to make a living, any donation would be apreciated." If you left a dollar or two, you got to keep the little pin, if not he would come back by and collect them. Now this guy would do this many times daily. I saw people lay down as much as 5 dollars. I thought to myself, this guy is making a fortune doing this. I wondered if he was really even deaf. Now granted there are some jobs that probably wouldnt hire a deaf person even though they are not suppose to discriminate, but there are jobs that will hire and do hire deaf people. This guy was in very good shape and he zipped around that food court, i would hire him for a job in a second. I again declined to donate money. Was I wrong again. I do my share of helping and giving, but there has to be a sign of need. I am not stingy, and would give you the shirt off my back if I thought you needed it and you done all you could to help yourself first. The problem I have is that even when I dont help someone who probably doesnt need help anyway, I still feel guilty.

He spent money on cigs instead of gas for his car? Shame on him, let him take the shoe leather express.

There's a difference between poeple who are truly in need and those who just make bad choices. Hey, we've all been in a situation where we have a car break down at an in oppportune time, but surely this guy knw he was low on gas. I can't tell you how many people have blocked our drive because they ran out of gas, even though they just passed three gas stations one mile up the road.

A friend of ours is a jazz musician. He worked thirty years in a county job he hated and played music on the side until he was finally able to take early retirement and play full time. He has told us that more than once, he's been approached by panhandlers while walking between parking and the venue where he's been hired to play. More than once, he has offered to bring the person into the venue and buy him a sandwich and beverage. Nope.That's not what he wants; he wants the cash. Phil says he's not going to be an enabler and walks away . - Roberta

You were right in assuming that the man had bought ciggs. instead of gas. And you were right not to give him money if you were not lead to. But lets not look down up on people who have additive habits. I personally have had several additive habits and I know how hard it is to quit. I have shaken those habits now..other than my strong opinions on religion and politics :eek:

Honestly, you should not feel guilty about not giving your hard earned money. The only reason I might give to someone of the street is one they look healthy, I know the look of crack heads and alcoholics. Ut oh, wait, now I have never done crack fellows ;)

You are a good fellow seeker.

I have worked in Nashville since I was 16. I've heard the "I need gas money" and "my car broke down" story so many times its pathetic. and I thought they were all bull. One time though when I did landscaping this dude came up while we were trimming bushes at a restaraunt, and we had crap all over the place. We were just about done bagging up the stuff when he came up and gave me the "no gas money" bit. I said I'd give him $10 to take all the bags and put them in our trailer. He said ok and started hauling the bags full of eunonomis, holly, pyracanthra, and barberry trimmings over his shoulder. He put all 25 or so bags in the truck, and they were pretty dang heavy. He only complained on the first bag when the thorns poked him in the back. But I payed him $10.
I also threatened to hit another feller with a shovel when he asked me for money as we were laying several pallets of sod at a new store and it was about 98 degrees with 90% humidity. I wasn't in the giving mood that day. He ran across 5 lanes of traffic to get away from me. I never got off the tractor. I reckon I was pretty harsh.

I wouldn't feel bad in the situation described - years ago, when I was
fresh out of Mississippi and in the Air Force, turned loose in the big world,
this wild looking character with dreadlocks and a thick Jamaican accent
approached me at a gas stop, had a piece of a fan belt in his hand,
asked me for money to help him get his broken down car going...
I gave him a couple of bucks, but later wondered how much he had made
off that belt, or if he even had a car...
I wish ya'll could have seen the look on the face of the first guy I had
snap a polaroid of me at the top of an escalator in a shopping mall -
I said sincerely "Thank you" and stuck it in my pocket... Couldn't figure out
why he seemed so pi**ed until later, I saw someone else giving him money
for one. Nothing like being fresh off the farm! :p :p :p Boy, that sure was
a long time ago.
Oh, and the time this old guy asked me for a lift across town - I cheerfully
carried the old coot right up to his doorstep, and as he was getting out,
he asked me for $3.00 - not some money, but exactly $3.00. (He's still
clutching 3 or 4 packs of cigs in one hand, he got at the store where I
picked him up) It flew all over me, and I wasn't too nice - felt a little bad
afterwards, but ????

We used to have several people standing in the middle of the streets with signs saying "Will work for food". Offer them a job and they laugh at you saying they can make more standing there.

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Originally Posted by IBNFSHN

We used to have several people standing in the middle of the streets with signs saying "Will work for food". Offer them a job and they laugh at you saying they can make more standing there.

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Call me what you want - folks like that should be bonked on the head and
left laying in the ditch...

I went to the convenience store one night shortly before their closing time. On the way I passed a stalled car on the country road to town.

Arriving at the store I noticed a young man sitting outside the store on the walk with a gas can. Can was full of gas. He was dressed nice. Just got of work as a waiter at a place in Tulsa. No money.

Seems he'd run out of gas, walked to the store, called a friend or relative, they came to help and bought him gas. Unfortunately they apparently didn't have any money either so left him there with the "I'll go get money and come back for you." He'd been waiting over an hour.

I asked inside about the situation. Lady said she thinks they left him as collateral or something. I paid for his gas and took him to his car, made sure he got it started, etc just so the poor kid could get home.

I directed him to go straight to the store and stop and tell them he was mobil. That way the store knew I didn't kidnap him and if anyone came looking, they'd know he was OK.

The store let me know that he did exactly that.

So that's a five dollar good deed and this is the first I've said about it to anyone.

I smoke and sometimes I have cigarettes and no money. It doesn't mean I didn't have the cigarettes before I lost/spent my money. I won't make those assumptions.

Seeker,

I think you did exactly as you should have.
I personally have seen the panhandlers on the median at traffic lights with the "will work for food" signs. But, my favorite (and the only one I've given to) was the guy with the "why the hell lie, I need a beer!" sign. Sorry, I know that is enabling, but I appreciate honesty. :rolleyes:
I personally have a hard time trusting big charity organizations, however I do believe that God leads me to the needy when I need to be charitable.
Have a heart, but using your brain certainly doesn't make you a bad person either!

In 1976 at the age of 16, in Shreveport La, I had a 1967 pickup and a date one night and ran out of gas on 70th Street at 2am. Back then 70th Street was real bad and me and the girl were both scared hitless (even tough I tried not to show it!). A car pulled up and a large, muscular black man got out and wanted to know the problem. When I told him, he said for me to get in. The girl was too scared and stayed in the truck. I got in with him and he took me to his house a couple of miles away, got a gas can and took me back to my truck and put the gas in my truck for me. Since I was paying my own trucknote and just got off the date, I didn't have a penny to my name. I asked for his address and phone number so I could repay him, but he said we would catch up later. Six years later while working with a construction outfit in Shreveport, this man was one of the painters in a house we were building and even though I recognized him, he didn't recognize me. I ask his boss if I could take the man to lunch and explained what he had done for me. His boss was amazed and told the man to go with me to pick up something. He had a sack lunch with 1 sandwich in it and I told him to leave it, cause we would be back in time to eat. I went straight to Western Sizzlin and told the man to order anything he wanted. He was shocked and tried to deny me buying his lunch until I explained what had happened to a 16 yr old boy 6 years earlier. It looked like a light went on in his eyes and him and I probably had one of the best meals of my life. CS; I'm sorry that this doesn't go along with what you said or wanted in response, but it was and always will be a highlight of my life. I guess what goes around, comes around.

Now that is a great story,thanks.

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Originally Posted by Mo'nBack

In 1976 at the age of 16, in Shreveport La, I had a 1967 pickup and a date one night and ran out of gas on 70th Street at 2am. Back then 70th Street was real bad and me and the girl were both scared hitless (even tough I tried not to show it!). A car pulled up and a large, muscular black man got out and wanted to know the problem. When I told him, he said for me to get in. The girl was too scared and stayed in the truck. I got in with him and he took me to his house a couple of miles away, got a gas can and took me back to my truck and put the gas in my truck for me. Since I was paying my own trucknote and just got off the date, I didn't have a penny to my name. I asked for his address and phone number so I could repay him, but he said we would catch up later. Six years later while working with a construction outfit in Shreveport, this man was one of the painters in a house we were building and even though I recognized him, he didn't recognize me. I ask his boss if I could take the man to lunch and explained what he had done for me. His boss was amazed and told the man to go with me to pick up something. He had a sack lunch with 1 sandwich in it and I told him to leave it, cause we would be back in time to eat. I went straight to Western Sizzlin and told the man to order anything he wanted. He was shocked and tried to deny me buying his lunch until I explained what had happened to a 16 yr old boy 6 years earlier. It looked like a light went on in his eyes and him and I probably had one of the best meals of my life. CS; I'm sorry that this doesn't go along with what you said or wanted in response, but it was and always will be a highlight of my life. I guess what goes around, comes around.

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Originally Posted by Mo'nBack

In 1976 at the age of 16, in Shreveport La, I had a 1967 pickup and a date one night and ran out of gas on 70th Street at 2am. Back then 70th Street was real bad and me and the girl were both scared hitless (even tough I tried not to show it!). A car pulled up and a large, muscular black man got out and wanted to know the problem. When I told him, he said for me to get in. The girl was too scared and stayed in the truck. I got in with him and he took me to his house a couple of miles away, got a gas can and took me back to my truck and put the gas in my truck for me. Since I was paying my own trucknote and just got off the date, I didn't have a penny to my name. I asked for his address and phone number so I could repay him, but he said we would catch up later. Six years later while working with a construction outfit in Shreveport, this man was one of the painters in a house we were building and even though I recognized him, he didn't recognize me. I ask his boss if I could take the man to lunch and explained what he had done for me. His boss was amazed and told the man to go with me to pick up something. He had a sack lunch with 1 sandwich in it and I told him to leave it, cause we would be back in time to eat. I went straight to Western Sizzlin and told the man to order anything he wanted. He was shocked and tried to deny me buying his lunch until I explained what had happened to a 16 yr old boy 6 years earlier. It looked like a light went on in his eyes and him and I probably had one of the best meals of my life. CS; I'm sorry that this doesn't go along with what you said or wanted in response, but it was and always will be a highlight of my life. I guess what goes around, comes around.

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Beautiful!

I smoke like a freight train, and if I am stupid enough to spend all my money on a vice, when I know I needed gas, then I couldn't blame anyone for not helping me out.

Now, back after 9/11, I played an online game called Motor City Online. It was a driving game. I made a great friend through the game. I had been laid off, and couldn't find anything decent enough to support me, 5 kids, and a pregnant wife. I told my friend that I would be dropping my Internet soon and that I might look him up in the future. He asked why, and I told him that I was eliminating all costs that were trivial and told him I had been laid off. We spoke for some length about my situation. The Man was sent from God. He asked me how much I needed to catch up on things. I laughed and said "too much". He said he had started the "Pay it forward movement". I told him I had seen the movie and was touched. He offered to send me 3k. I respectfully declined and thanked him for the gesture. My ISP stayed up for another month, and during that time, he continued to ask how things were going for me. I was honest and told him not so good. He insisted on sending me the money. He told me that he spent 54k alone on his American Express bill each month. I felt that he was sincere in his wanting to help, and could afford it, God knows we needed it at the time. I reluctantly gave him my name and address. I had a check for 3k three days later, which went through without a problem. I have saved his return address so as to someday repay him for his kindness. I don't think I will ever be able to afford it, but, have no problem helping those who look as if they really need it. Just a month ago, I stopped to help a large young black man whos car had stalled in the street. He didn't have the money to fix it, but could afford the part. I was able to instruct him on what he would need to do. He thanked me, and stated that not many would have stopped to help a guy like him. I help when and where I can, but try to have sense enough to know when someone is trying to scam me.

All of this reminds me of an e-mail that was circulating some time ago about a young very pregnant woman that was a waitress. A customer came in and noticed her and knew she was in need. He left her a $100.00 tip with a note that said "Pass it on" or something like that. She went home and her husband and her praised God and the man too. Later the woman's husband came across a man broken down on the side of the road. He didn't have money but had the knowledge to help the man get his car going. The man offered to pay the husband. The husband replied, well someone did something for us once and gave us this note, now I give it to you and will accept no payment.
Of course the note was the one the man had left the waitress. "Pass it on"

yes a def person can git a job . a frind of mine had a son that was deff . he worked at a rail car repair place. painting letters and # on the cars . he flew airplane . was one of a verry few that got a piolet license that was deff . road a big harley . sorry to say he was kiled when his plane went down right after take off . you can do anything you want just try real hard .

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Originally Posted by jrfwmf

I went to the convenience store one night shortly before their closing time. On the way I passed a stalled car on the country road to town.

Arriving at the store I noticed a young man sitting outside the store on the walk with a gas can. Can was full of gas. He was dressed nice. Just got of work as a waiter at a place in Tulsa. No money.

Seems he'd run out of gas, walked to the store, called a friend or relative, they came to help and bought him gas. Unfortunately they apparently didn't have any money either so left him there with the "I'll go get money and come back for you." He'd been waiting over an hour.

I asked inside about the situation. Lady said she thinks they left him as collateral or something. I paid for his gas and took him to his car, made sure he got it started, etc just so the poor kid could get home.

I directed him to go straight to the store and stop and tell them he was mobil. That way the store knew I didn't kidnap him and if anyone came looking, they'd know he was OK.

The store let me know that he did exactly that.

So that's a five dollar good deed and this is the first I've said about it to anyone.

I smoke and sometimes I have cigarettes and no money. It doesn't mean I didn't have the cigarettes before I lost/spent my money. I won't make those assumptions.

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Your my kind of guy! I don't hand anyone money, but will do what I can to help anyone out, if they have a need that I can help with. It is the people with money, are the ones that I don't trust. I found a purse in a K-Mart parking lot several years ago. It had credit cards and cash in it. The Lady had placed the purse on the top of the car to unlock the door and then got in and drove off. I picked up the purse and looked for the ID and was going to call the person and let her know that I had found it in the parking lot. Then I thought that when she realized it was gone would come back to the store and check to see if someone found it and took it inside. When I walked inside I went to the help counter rite inside the entrance and told the woman there that I found the purse out in the parking lot. She took the purse and said she would take care of it. A few days later I called the woman and asked if she had gotten her purse back and she told me that the money and credit cards were missing when it was returned to her. The woman told her that was the way it was brought to her. The Lady went to the store manager and told him what had happened and that she suspected the woman had taken her money and credit cards and when she was questioned she finally admitted to taking them. I will help anyone just not with money.

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Originally Posted by anchorpuller

All of this reminds me of an e-mail that was circulating some time ago about a young very pregnant woman that was a waitress. A customer came in and noticed her and knew she was in need. He left her a $100.00 tip with a note that said "Pass it on" or something like that. She went home and her husband and her praised God and the man too. Later the woman's husband came across a man broken down on the side of the road. He didn't have money but had the knowledge to help the man get his car going. The man offered to pay the husband. The husband replied, well someone did something for us once and gave us this note, now I give it to you and will accept no payment.
Of course the note was the one the man had left the waitress. "Pass it on"

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That was a country song I forget who sings it. Something JOE, He stops to help old rich woman and she stops at cafe and has a pregenant waitress and leaves a $100.00 for the bill and a note that said someone had helped her and to pass it on. Waitress goes home and tells (JOE) that everything is going to be OK now.

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Originally Posted by Eager Beaver

That was a country song I forget who sings it. Something JOE, He stops to help old rich woman and she stops at cafe and has a pregenant waitress and leaves a $100.00 for the bill and a note that said someone had helped her and to pass it on. Waitress goes home and tells (JOE) that everything is going to be OK now.

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Gotta love that country music!

Clay Walker sings that song.

With the good deeds in mind... Once we were mowing the grass at a Shoney's store in downtown Nashville and it was again hot as hades. While we were mowing I noticed a homeless dude digging in the dumpster looking for food. When we got in the truck to leave I set three Gatorades out of the cooler. One for me and the guy working with me and the guy working with me. I stopped and walked over to the homeless guy and gave him the other one. He could barely speak English and he had a broke leg. But he sure was happy and said thank you about 5 times before I could walk back to the truck. That was back in my big time bass fishing days and after we got off work we already had the boat hooked up to go fishing. At the store we stopped at I was pumping gas across from a really hot girl, we got to talking and I ended up getting her number. Then I caught a 6.5# largemouth that night. I believe in Karma.

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Originally Posted by fiddlefarter

Clay Walker sings that song.

With the good deeds in mind... Once we were mowing the grass at a Shoney's store in downtown Nashville and it was again hot as hades. While we were mowing I noticed a homeless dude digging in the dumpster looking for food. When we got in the truck to leave I set three Gatorades out of the cooler. One for me and the guy working with me and the guy working with me. I stopped and walked over to the homeless guy and gave him the other one. He could barely speak English and he had a broke leg. But he sure was happy and said thank you about 5 times before I could walk back to the truck. That was back in my big time bass fishing days and after we got off work we already had the boat hooked up to go fishing. At the store we stopped at I was pumping gas across from a really hot girl, we got to talking and I ended up getting her number. Then I caught a 6.5# largemouth that night. I believe in Karma.

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Oh my heavens I'm getting TOO dang old. I had to re-read the "hot girl" part. I thought you were going to give her a gatorade too and was wondering what you needed her number for! ;)

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Originally Posted by Mo'nBack

In 1976 at the age of 16, in Shreveport La, I had a 1967 pickup and a date one night and ran out of gas on 70th Street at 2am. Back then 70th Street was real bad and me and the girl were both scared hitless (even tough I tried not to show it!). A car pulled up and a large, muscular black man got out and wanted to know the problem. When I told him, he said for me to get in. The girl was too scared and stayed in the truck. I got in with him and he took me to his house a couple of miles away, got a gas can and took me back to my truck and put the gas in my truck for me. Since I was paying my own trucknote and just got off the date, I didn't have a penny to my name. I asked for his address and phone number so I could repay him, but he said we would catch up later. Six years later while working with a construction outfit in Shreveport, this man was one of the painters in a house we were building and even though I recognized him, he didn't recognize me. I ask his boss if I could take the man to lunch and explained what he had done for me. His boss was amazed and told the man to go with me to pick up something. He had a sack lunch with 1 sandwich in it and I told him to leave it, cause we would be back in time to eat. I went straight to Western Sizzlin and told the man to order anything he wanted. He was shocked and tried to deny me buying his lunch until I explained what had happened to a 16 yr old boy 6 years earlier. It looked like a light went on in his eyes and him and I probably had one of the best meals of my life. CS; I'm sorry that this doesn't go along with what you said or wanted in response, but it was and always will be a highlight of my life. I guess what goes around, comes around.

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THAT IS AWESOME!!!