5 Minute Management Course - LONG
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing
up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands David, the next-door
neighbor. Before she says a word, David says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of David.. After a few seconds,David hands her
$800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was
that?' 'It was David, the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a portion of her
leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give
each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.. 'I want to be in
the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..'
Poof! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager
says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
the bull. It's full of nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there...
Lesson 6: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on
him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
