A new strain of THE FLU

I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed
copious amounts of alcohol.

I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as
flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.
From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested
positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.

This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not
an isolated case.

Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed
with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale
signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.

However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD
and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has
been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a
McDonald's Big Mac Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further
application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original
dose, has been shown to do the trick.

Wine Flu is not life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated
within a 24-48 hour period.

NOTE
If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into
Whine Flu. This is particularly common in women and can quickly spread to
their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of
eye-rolling. :)