A friend in Alabama sent me these funny sayings...

[psilvers]

He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

“It’s hotter than two rats humpin’ in a wool sock”

He’s a good ol’dog, but sometimes he sh*ts too close to the porch

Want in one hand…spit (or SHIP) in the other…see which fills up first

Ain’t nothing open after midnight, but legs.

he could tear up a steel ball.

Faster than a hound’ll suck an egg!

It’s hotter than a bitch in heat.

that boy wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ eem.

It’s hotter than forty hells

That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain

That tastes like eatin’ a lard sandwich in a outhouse.

She’s pretty as a pumpkin and half as smart.

So ugly his mama had to borrow a baby when she went to church.

Hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit

My wife is so cold when she spreads her legs the furnace kicks on

I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go. (I look bad)

Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits

It tastes so bad ya gotta lick the cat’s A$$ to get the taste outta yer mouth

I’ll slap you and not even tell you why!

takin’ the browns to the super bowl (taking a dump)

Hotter than door knobs/hinges in hell.

“She cain’t help bein’ugly, …but she coulda stayed at home!”

[Speck]

Those are good uns!

[cook]

Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits

Thats just nasty!

[awindo4u]

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kingkrappie]

hahah

[DMW1960]

Good ones!

He has more money than Carter has liver pills.

[grb22]

Those are a crack up. A couple that I've heard that always made me laugh:

"He/She is uglier than the south end of a northbound mule";

"I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool" (think about it, you can guess what this one refers to)


I'm sure there are more, those are just the ones that popped into my head.