Best Lie

First lier doesn't have a chance!
THE BANDIT

This may be just a story, but here goes anyway...

When I was a young boy about 7 or 8 years old, my Dad and my uncle would take me down to the Congaree River to fish for bream along the banks. Some evenings, we would walk for a mile or so, each with thier own cane pole trying out different spots we would come upon. Well one day, I was in charge of the cricket bucket and slipped and fell and the crickets got loose everywhere. As I was scrambling to get the crickets back in the bucket, I had my right hand full of crickets, my left hand full of crickets, and nice big juicy cricket crawling up my left forearm. Now being only 7 and not wanting to let a single one of these crickets get away, I decided I was gonna catch him with the only thing I had left.... my mouth!! Well about the time I opened up and lunged for him, he jumped and lets just say the fish weren't the only ones biting crickets that day......

Now, I have no memory of that day, but that was the story my Dad told me and now you know why they call me the Toad!!!! ;)

Like You Said [it May Be A Story] But Its A Good One :)

you should have seen the one i missed!

Her Diary

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

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His Diary

I only caught three crappie today, but at least I got laid.

>>THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
>>
>>Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to
>>my husband that my breasts were too small. Instead of
>>caracteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
>>comes up with a suggestion.
>>
>>"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
>>toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
>>
>>Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and
>>stood front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts "How long
>>will this take?" I asked.
>>
>>"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replied.
>>
>>I stopped. "Do you really think! rubbing a piece of toilet paper
>>between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
>>years?"
>>
>>Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
>>
>>He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even
>>walk again.
>>
>>Stupid, stupid man.
>>

My wife caught me with the biggest fishing lie ever, "I like to fish."
Seth

My wife told me I can go fishing any time and as much as I want before we got married. I still have not got up enough nerve to test her though.

Guessin' she'd let you know real quick.
seth

Me and my Foster Brother took my Dads Bass boat out one eay when we were both home from the Millitary. We left our Wives at my folks. Well we went out there on good ole Sam Rayburn and didnt catch a darned thing. After I droped him off at the boat ramp to get the truck and back the trailer down, I saw something pretty big floating out in the water. Well come to find out it was a9 1/2 pound black bass. Deader-n- a doornail. Well I decided to pick it up and take it home so me and him could show all what we cought. They believed us and even took pics. Then they figured it out that it was dead when that all too smelly odor started filling the room. He I dont really know any PURE honest fishermen lol.