Thread: Happy Birthday "G"

David...... these are just to make you laugh my friend.

You are now a “Seenager”

You have just discovered your age group! You are a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
You have everything that you wanted as a teenager, only many years later.
You don't have to go to school or work unless you want to eat and pay your bills.
You get an allowance every month called a paycheck for your working hours.
You have your own pad and the bills that come with it..
You don't have a curfew.
You might have a driver's license and your own car.
Life is Good as a “Seenager”. You will feel much more intelligent after reading this.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
Older people, like you, often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

Several Advantages of Getting Old…..
Kidnappers are not very interested in us.
In a hostage situation, we are likely to be released first.
No one expects us to run anywhere.
People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things we buy now won't wear out.
We can live without sex but not our glasses.
Our eyes won't get much worse.
Our investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
We no longer have hot flashes, we have power surges!


Facts of aging…
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
We used to get lost in the shuffle; now we just shuffle along with the lost.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
We sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Age is like underwear, it creeps up on you!
If God had wanted us to touch our toes, he would have put them on our knees.
We quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
A person who has a right to boast doesn't have to.
We are not old, we’re youthfully challenged.
We are a walking storeroom of facts... we’ve just lost the key to the storeroom.
Our investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
We are not grouchy, we just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians.
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
Our knees buckle and our belt won't.

Some people were born when…………….
Apple tunes was the transistor radio;
The number 2 pencil was the cutting edge of technology;
The slide rule was a pocket calculator;
A laptop was a grandchild;
Evening newspapers were trending;
A partyline telephone was facebook;
Stamps were 3 cents;
The Bible was available in first edition!

Some people were born before………
' television
' penicillin
' polio shots
' frozen foods
' contact lenses
' Frisbees
' credit cards
' laser beams
' ball-point pens
' pantyhose
' air conditioners
' dishwashers
' clothes dryers
' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
' space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.

Another year has passed
And you are a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now you fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'

You used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches.
Now you go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.

You used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now you suffer body aches
And cry the night away.

You used to go out dining,
And couldn't get your fill.
Now you ask for doggie bags,
Then come home and take a pill.

You used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now you get a sore booty
From riding in the car.

You used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now you stay home at night
And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too darn old.

Happy birthday, David. Dang, you're older than dirt.